


A Spike In The Face And One In The Heart

by AnxiousCrow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Asahi is Bad at Feelings, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Nonbinary Azumane Asahi, Other, There might be a happy ending i haven't decided yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousCrow/pseuds/AnxiousCrow
Summary: Asahi has been bottling their emotions everytime Nishinoya is harsh with them for as long a they can remember.Finally thousands of bottles come crashing down on them. They all shatter and Asahi is left broken, scared, and worse then ever before. This also leaves Nishinoya is lost and scared. He didn't know what Asahi was feeling. And now they both have to face the consequences of their actions.Based on the asanoya angst from perfect_toru on tik tok
Relationships: At least for now - Relationship, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. Dear Asahi Azumane... You Fucked Up Here's Why...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foggy_froggy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggy_froggy/gifts).



Asahi stood from where they where balled in the corner of their room crying. Rummaging through their desk they find a sheet of empty paper. The sit at their desk with it and a pencil. Still crying they begin to write a letter to themselves.

~  
Asahi Azumane,

I've been kicked of the team. Even if I hadn't I would've quit anyways. I've also started to avoid going to school. Neither are anything close to enjoyable anymore. I don't want to see Sawamura or Sugawara or anyone else from the team. Especially Nishinoya.

The thing I feared most finally happened.  
Yuu Nishinoya one of my bestfriends and teammates. God it hurt so much. He was always there for me, his little aggressive hits and tendencies when my anxiety spikes.

But I took that all for granted and I hit him. I hit him hard. It was one of the most terrifying things. I didn't even mean to do it. It just happened.

He was doing what he normally does and was shoving me around because I said something negative to myself. 

I tried to bottle it up like I have been doing because I don't want to hurt him. Just so I can vent it out later when I'm alone. But I don't know what came over me. I hit him. And I don't even know what to do anymore. 

That sickening sound of the palm of my hand hitting his cheek. It was the same brute strength I used to spike a ball through a wall of blockers. It haunts me. I throw up thinking about it too much. God just writing this makes me want to be sick. 

It's worse then when we had that fight last time. Because this will never be fixed. I don't want to even think about it. People always siad I looked violent bit I don't want that. I hate fitting into those stupid, shitty, stereotypes they put me into. I hate fitting in the stupid boxes. 

It hurts me, but god do I know this hurts why more for Nishinoya. Not only was he slapped with the force that can break through blocks but I'm his upperclassmen. 

I'm scared, I don't even want to go to school. I look like shit. I'm sick everytime I see anything relating to volleyball or the team. I lost everything because I was stupid and an idiot. If I had only been stronger maybe this wouldn't have happened. If I had just held on a little longer I would still have them all. They all probably hate me now. Not that I can blame them I'd hate me too.

-Yourself, in vent letter form.  
~  
They take the paper and folds it. Their crying has slowed for the most part. But there's still plenty of tears. Their hand still stings. That feeling was different and they think they'll never forget it. Not that their anxiety will ever let them forget in the first place. 

They stand shakily and lay in their bed, curling up into themselves nearly instantly. They cry themselves to sleep shallow, achy breaths and hiccups causing an erie feeling to fill the room.


	2. It Took Him By Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nishinoya has been skipping the team is worried. The news of what happened came as a terrifying shock.  
> They're angry and confused as to why local nervous wreck would do such a thing to Nishinoya. But they don't ask questions.

Nishinoya froze to the spot when he was stopped by Tanaka outside the school. He had just wanted to pick up his school work for the next week before the weekend.

"Noya! You've been avoiding practice again. What happened? You haven't done this since your fight with Asahi a couple months ago."

Nishinoya paused and turned towards his friend, he looks like he's been crying and there's a large red hand mark on his face. "I... I'm going to be at practice for a while..."

Tanaka rushed forwards, "what happened?" He gently ushered his friend into the clubroom where the rest of the team is getting ready. As soon as they see Nishinoya a stunned silence floods the room.

"The look in their eyes when it happened... I'm sure it couldn't have been anything other than anger..." Nishinoya cries out.

Sugawara was the first to step up, "I'm going to kill them." He starts towards the door only to be stopped by Daichi.

"Violence on violence won't solve anything. An eye for an eye and the world goes blind. We'll tell the coach and Takeda what happened." The man's voice is calm and stern. But his eyes hold the same fiery anger as Sugawara's.

Nishinoya is quiet. He doesn't speak up or object to anything daichi says. He's not sure he wants to. The sting in his cheek, the only thing keeping him from running away. It froze him in place, it was still hot, almost burning compared to the icy cold of the rest of his body.

He hasn't felt like this before. It's something foreign to him. Anxiety. He hates this feeling. He wants it to go away. It hurts more than the red mark on his cheek.

Nishinoya stopped participating in practice but he did keep going. Sugawara nearly forced him to keep going, the parental instincts in this man stronger than ever before. Takeda had announced that Azumane was off the team shortly after he and Ukai were told what happened. They didn't ask too many questions about it though. Nobody asked questions. They just... Didn't react... It made Nishinoya nervous.

"I miss Asahi..." He muttered quietly to himself not expecting Sugawara to hear.

"Noya... They literally left a handprint on your face. Let me see." He turns Nishinoya's head so he can see the mark, "It's not even healed…"

Nishinoya turns his head away harshly. He doesn't say anything other than, "I'm going for a walk." Sugawara tries to stop him as Nishinoya stands but the small Libero ignores him. He walks out the doors quietly but quickly.

"Noya!" Sugawara calls out to him but it doesn't reach Nishinoya.

Nishinoya leaves the gym before he begins to cry. He falls to the ground nearby and gently places a hand to his cheek. His cries and sobs are muted.


	3. Take My Heart, Pull It Apart. Take My Brain, Or What Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all went down.  
> Asahi is scared and terrified.  
> Nishinoya is lost and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little quick and short (they're all short) whoops. Nishinoya and Asahi kinda snapped. Asahi's just left more of a painful impact.

_Asahi and Nishinoya were walking together down the hallway._

_"Noya, I really don't think I can-" Asahi's sentence is cut off by Nishinoya._

_"Don't be that way. You're awesome Asahi! So don't be such a coward!" Nishinoya glares. Asahi backs up slightly but Nishinoya didn't even flinch._

_Asahi continues to walk however. "Noya please don't yell… but really-"_

_This time Nishinoya turns, jabs a hand into their side, and looks up at the taller person who yelped. "Quit being a coward." Noya graps the third year by their jacket._

_Asahi grunts as they are forcibly shoved back and into the wall, "Stop it Noya."_

_"No! Not until you stop being a coward!" Nishinoya says, "Why can't you just see how good you are?"_

_"Nishinoya let go!" They try to pull his hands away from themselves, but Nishinoya keeps his grip. "Nishinoya stop please!"_

_"I said, not until you stop being a coward!" Nishinoya's voice gets louder the more he repeats himself._

_Asahi pulls his hands off their jacket by grabbing his wrists. "Please! Stop it! I need you to stop! What's wrong with you? This isn't you!"_

_At this point a small group of people are surrounding them, a couple of third years begin to try and get close enough to break up the fight._

_Nishinoya fights against their grip. "You need to stop being a coward!" Nishinoya breaks his hands free and grabs the jacket again. Asahi's mind goes blank and their hand moves before they can think._

_A loud slap is heard. Everyone freezes as the sickening sound creates an icy cold, uncomfortable tension._

_Asahi is standing clutching their hand, sobbing. Below them on his knees with a red hand mark on his cheek, is Nishinoya. Asahi looks terrified at what they've done. As quickly as it happened Asahi is running. Nobody stops them focusing on the second year._

_Nishinoya looks confused but a hand drifts to his cheek as a classmate pulls him up. "What…? What happened…?" He asks quietly as he's ushered to the nurse's office._

_Asahi runs as quickly as possible. As soon as they leave the school they stop running, but afraid of getting chased they keep going. They're crying so hard they can barely see. As soon as they're home they crumble to the floor. Falling apart and full out crying out to the empty house. Their emotions are mixed and terrifying. Fear is a main one, fear of Nishinoya and fear of what they just did._


	4. Full Disclosure, I Am A Monster, A Creature Of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi finds returning to school is stressful. But finding a routine again is providing a much needed constant in their messed up emotional state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a good author that totally *didn't* write this, this morning at 4 am when I couldn't sleep after procrastinating it for like a week.

It had been a month or so before Asahi came back to school, they were even more reserved than before. they avoided people as if they carried the plague. At lunch, they would quickly find themselves going to the music room, where an antique upright piano stood. The teacher who had heard what happened noticed them struggling with people, they asked if they could play and if they had a healthy coping mechanism. Asahi nodded and admitted they took lessons. not that they ever thought to use that knowledge to vent as the teacher had suggested.  
they enter the classroom with a small wave to the teacher, "Good afternoon Mr. Masaru sir. today i think I'm going to start practicing some more Chopin like I mentioned a while back. do you have any suggestions?"  
"Oh! I would love to see you attempt Fantaisie-impromptu. At least once. you are very talented." the quiet teacher stated.  
"i don't think I can play that." Asahi sighs. "At least not now."  
The teacher smiles, "But that's what practice is for Azumane. You don't start anything by being able to do it no questions asked." Masaru stood with papers in their hands, "You start slow." They sit at the piano and pull a chair close for Asahi. "Once you have it when it's slow you can do it when you start to speed it up."  
Masaru begins to play the piece slowly, making sure the third year can see. They move and encourage them to play. Asahi works through the first few bars easily sight-reading and playing what they see. As Asahi grows accustomed to the tempo and notes as they read they begin to speed up their playing, only by a fraction. Their sound is swift and smooth but holds a sort of pain behind it. The sound places you in their own mind, swirling thoughts and racing emotions, like a summer storm after a long hot spell.  
Asahi stops suddenly, "Why this piece sir...?"  
"Because. while you might not feel like your skills are good enough for this piece, you can play it." Masaru smiles, "Without thinking too hard about hitting the right notes and playing more naturally you will be able to play it in full. Because you have amazing talent. overthinking things puts a damper on your confidence."  
"So if I just play what I see or think at the moment instead of overthinking it... I could do anything?"  
"With practice. Now there's a little bit of time before the bell. Are you actually going to eat your lunch or are you going to just sit there and overthink it? I have to talk to another teacher quickly before the next class. you know the rules. just clean up and close the piano when you're done."Asahi nods at the teacher's words and continues to play the first part of the piece again.


	5. And I Miss My Lover, Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus, they meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me procrastinating for weeks ❤️

Nishinoya walked slowly through the halls. Hearing a piano that flowed gently through the halls like a river, he stopped. 

It was melodic and entrancing. Without thinking too much about it he follows it. The song speeds as he finds himself standing in the music room while Asahi plays the piano. The third year is faced away from him so they can't see him, lucky for him. He is rendered speechless. He knew that Asahi had been able to play piano but he had no idea the third year was this fantastic at it.

"Asahi…" the playing abruptly stopped with a panicked bang and the key lid, which had been bumped as asahi tried to stand the first time, slammed down on the third years fingers causing them to scatter paper and sheet music that gets flug accidentally as Asahi turns quickly. 

"Nishinoya. I didn't hear you enter. Did you need to see Mr. Masaru? They're not in right now. I can leave if you want to wait." They kneel down to pick up all of their music, sighing when they realize it's all messed up. 

"Asahi. I didn't realize it was you who was playing… you're amazing at it." Nishinoya takes a cautious step forward.

"Yeah. That's what everyone says. But I'm obviously not the best there is." Asahi mumbles picking up each sheet, carefully putting it where it belongs. 

Nishinoya breaths out and kneels to help them. "You're right. You're not the best there is. But they're also right."

As soon as all the papers are picked up Asahi stands. "I'm sorry for this. I'll be going now."

"Asahi, wait. I came because I'm avoiding Suga and I wanted to know who was playing the piano. It's been two months since…"  
"I know. Now if you'll excuse me. I will be going before Sugawara shows up and gets the wrong idea." Asahi moves around Nishinoya who is still kneeling.

"Asahi." He says a louder then he wanted to cause the third year to flinch. Nishinoya wouldn't have ever noticed before but now it seems so clearly visable. "Asahi… I am so sorry." He bows down on his knees, forehead nearly to the ground. "I caused this. I was a bad teammate and a worse friend for never noticing. Never stopping."

"Nishinoya… Please don't do this…" Asahi mumbles, "If anything I should have talked about how I was feeling more. I didn't want to feel like a burden."

"Your emotions and feelings are far more important to me then any stupid game or off hand demeaning comments you could make about yourself. I am so sorry you felt like you couldn't be honest with me." Nishinoya sounds like he's on the verge of tears, and he is. "I don't want you to ever feel like this again."  
"Nishinoya…" 

"I want to be someone you can trust and be honest to. I let my own standards and beliefs get in the way and try to push you into a box that you didn't want to be in. Why should you conform to my standards? You are your own person with your own thoughts and feelings. You aren't me."

"Nishinoya… Please stand up… I don't want tou to feel like this either. I care about you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to. And I'm afraid I'll do it again." Asahi helps the second year up.


	6. these old white sheets… I'll leave them folded neat and tidy So... you'll know I'm out of hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi is approached by their old friends and teammates. They’re confident Nishinoya hasn’t told them about the two’s encounter. They’d be in a lot more trouble if he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me finishing this acter two weeks and them procrastinating posting it 💔

Asahi walked away from their last class, holding their music books closely to their chest. The bell had rung about 10 minutes ago, most of the students have started to go home by now, minus the few students who had clubs. They saw Sugawara and had planned to just ignore him. But the silver-haired setter had other plans and approached them.   
“Shouldn’t you be going home, Azumane?”  
“No, I have somewhere to be.” Asahi attempts to move around him, Sugawara stops them. “Please let me through.”  
Sugawara shakes his head, “no not until you tell me where you’re going.”  
Asahi looks confused, “I wasn’t aware I need the approval of someone who is not even close to an acquaintance, to just live my own life. Now if you will excuse me, Sugawara. I have somewhere to be.” Asahi pushes past Sugawara, trying not to display anything that could be read as aggression.   
Luckily, the other lets them pass. Sugawara glares at them as they walk. Asahi can feel it and it burns.

The next person to approach him was Daichi. That scared him. The constant fear that Nishinoya said something or saw them together. They tried to just ignore him but the burning stare Daichi is giving them makes them want to cry.   
"Sawamura. Did you need something?" They ask gently.   
Daichi looks at him, "What did you say to Koushi." It wasn't a question, definitely a demand. "He came to practice crying yesterday. I saw him talk to you last."  
"Sawamura, I don't control your team. I didn't make Sugawara cry." Asahi reasons, it sounds a lot more harsh then they intended it to be.  
Daichi backs off slightly feeling the coldness radiating from the taller. It stabs Daichi's heart as realizes that the person before him is a different person that he made friends with over a bond of volleyball first year. "Apologies Azumane."

The next to approach them was Takeda and Ukai. Asahi tenses significantly as he sees the grumpy, tired looking coach and sweet looking, square framed glasses teacher approach them.   
"Azumane." Takeda said and Asahi bowed respectfully.  
"Mr. Takeda. Coach Ukai." They greet.  
"We've been made aware you've been talking to Sawamura and Sugawara? I'm not mad. Neither of us are." Ukai says and they attempt to make themselves less threatening, understanding the third year's anxiety.   
"They had both approached me after school while I was on my way to the music room. Mr. Masaru lets me play the piano during lunch and after school." Asahi says holding their music books up for the two to see. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience I may have caused for you both and the volleyball team." They bow again and the two let them go.


End file.
